So what's the answer?
- Comes in two parts: Kids need...a place to feel safe and a safe place to feel. And these are not the same thing.
- We need things that will bring us to our feelings:
- Play
- Music
- Drama, great theatre
- Play is where you get to process emotions without having to feel them yourself.
- Attachment isn't about love and liking. It's a very specific dynamic.
- When there are equal amounts of warmth and firmness, attachment is unconsciously cued.
- Attachment happens when a child feels very safe to follow your lead.
- Warmth + Firmness = Caring Leadership
- Kids feel safe when they can emotionally rest on a caring adult.
The Primary Instruments of Attachment
- Collecting is the art of connecting
- Make eye contact, say "Good morning" (with teens, don't ask questions!)
- Collecting before directing: chance of following directions is massively increased
- Many of our students need to be collected before every time they're directed
- Collective practices that are intentional to collect our "prickliest", most difficult students.
- Beginning class with collections, actions that say "we are now a we"
- Activating the relationship
- Individual relationship
- Collect the peer leader: if you know there is one student that the class always follows, do your best to collect that student
- Bridging:
- Every time you say no to a child, make sure you're warm before they are (later in the day)
- Show the students "we're still good"
- Relationship should never be a reward!
- Kids need to know that our warmth is there no matter what. We still have consequences, etc, but our relationship is always there.
- Matchmaking: the art of passing on the attachment baton
- Once a kid is attached to you, you have the ability to pass on that attachment to the next person
- Children need their attachments to be on the same side (parents, step-parents, teachers, etc working together)
- Parachute students to each other -- we are a VILLAGE, not just separate classrooms.
Take a child-centred approach, not a child-led approach
"read the need and take the lead"
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